author=Gryphon:
If Ive seemed unlike myself the past few weeks, its because Ive had a lot on my mind.
Theres a chance Ill be a dad by the end of the year.
AW: You only become a dad when you're ready. You'll know when you're ready. Trust me. My husband was against having children. He wasn't ready due to A) He wanted to roam as he wanted and not have to go through changes, B) He wasn't making the kind of money at the time he wanted, and C) He was scared of the committment. Then one day he announces he wants to be a dad. He was slowing down on his running,he got a much better job,and he was ready for the altering changes that would definately occur. He's an awesome dad too I will add. Very much the FAMILY Man.
Gry: No, I havent done anything irresponsible. Quite the opposite I guess.
AW: Gry you've got a great heart,but do not allow that to lead you around. It will be irresponsible if you allow your heart for the situation to take charge. You could strongly start to regret stepping up due to following your heart instead of your mind. Thinking this through will only cause you more confusion. If you're ready you'd know it. You wouldn't have to sit and confuse yourself until you're overwhelmed with more questions.
Gry: A relative of mine finds herself faced with an unwanted pregnancy. She's unmarried, unattached, and quite incapable of caring for a child on every possible level. No money. No job. Poor health and a suspected problem with prescription medicines if family whispers and her behavior in general are any indication.
AW: You have NO idea what this child is going to need if "mom" is doing things that harm her body,it will the baby as well. This child could come out needing more than just Gry's help. More like doctor and nurses kind of help and could be ALOT of help. Honestly, I have total respect for you even allowing it to cross your mind,BUT there are other people who want children,KNOW they are ready and can handle whatever this child may endure alot better than you can at this point in your life. DO NOT allow her to GUILT you into this. There's a huge change you could grow to regret it. If you have to stop talking to her so she won't guilt you into this then stop the communication now. I'd attempt to inform her at this point in your life you aren't ready for such a huge leap(not step)in your life and offer her to seek an adoption agency or talk to her OBGYN,if she's even going to one. They do have agency that will allow the mother to see the child once a month with the new adoptive parents,get pictures,write letters for the child,...... Some will straight up tell her this is an agency of NO contact. All she has to do is get one that will alllow her some aspects of the baby. She doesn't have to care for it 24/7,but can still get updates,pictures,......
Gry: At any rate, she's asked if I would consider adopting the child, if there even is one. I say that because its a high risk pregnancy because of her health and age (she is well over 35)
AW: There is that possibility too,since she is making it even more higher of a risk by adding fuel to the fire. I hope this child turns out healthy,but it doesn't sound like it will. This alone is something people ready for a child should step in.
GRY: So I guess I have to decide whether or not to do it. Its a lot to think about. First, this woman is not someone I want as a permanent fixture in my life. Luckily, she doesnt live anywhere near me, but I fear she'd have trouble "letting go" of the kid and be all up in my business all the time.
AW: This is already a stopper. She wants someone else to handle the child,but she wants some rights. Adoption Agencies will provide that for her. Some will be stern and deny her of any rights. She will be in your business and she may not like many things you say or do in regards to her child. This is really something you should do if A)You;re ready(which I don't see from your own words that you are) and B) A relative you've grown very fond of,are very close to,and want in your life a very long time.
Gry: Second, I worry about how healthy the kid would be given that the mom is in poor health, smokes like a chimney, and takes God knows what kinda pills. Then of course theres the money. Id spend close to a grand a month just for child care and insurance.
AW: There is several areas of readiness to be a parent. A) Are you ready for the life altering changes(mentally,physically,socially,spiritually,and emotionally?) B) Can you financially handle the life altering changes? C) Does your life at this time mean more to you to have free roaming access,sleep in,stay up all night,have dates,work overtime,.... You will be giving ALL of that up. HENCE your words: "Then theres time. I often work some crazy hours and would worry I didnt have enough time for a kid. Then theres the whole giving up my freedom...Ive lived this long without anything tying me down, and not sure I want to give that up."
Gry: Any thoughts?
Never ever allow anyone(even your own parents) to GUILT you into anything. Never allow anyone else to control you.
You want what is best for that child. That's why we have agencies. They provide people who are ready for life altering changes in every way. The agencies do follow ups to check on the welfare of the child(ren). When you are thinking and thinking and thinking about the situation you've encountered and you start second guessing and are confused and have more questions you've allowed someone elses situation to control you. That's not good.
Best of luck in your decision Gry.
[/quote]
Linkback: http://4seasonschat.com/index.php/topic,8595.msg100207.html#msg100207
Topic: Me? a dad? (Read 2768 times)